Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize