Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
