You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
