i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
