from now on my penis is your penis
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
