I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
only you would photoshop your dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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