Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
