"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
