Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
