I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
