oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
