Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
