just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he had hair everywhere except his balls
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
