Can i not drive my cunt home
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
