Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
