I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
