I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
