I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize