highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
