i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
