I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
