Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
BRING THE BAGELS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
