Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
