At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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