Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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