I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize