i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize