I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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