I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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