Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
