I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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