I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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