He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
