youre lurking in front of me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
