I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Never let your siblings swipe right.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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