What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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