Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
