whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
