Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize