third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
