Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
