You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
