yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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