theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize