what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
