I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
