remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
