i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I won the penis lottery.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
