the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nicole vs. Life
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
