i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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