I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
