Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How does one acquire holy water?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
