my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
