Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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