No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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