On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
