Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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