Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
