I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
