We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
