It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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