grandma shit on top of the toilet
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
