Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
