I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
