Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
