Do you still have your period?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize