Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
