If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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