i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
