remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
