i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
