so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
