I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i barfeds in our rink
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
