I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize