okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
