Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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