Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
